DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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