Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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