i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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