I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
