I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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