Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
