It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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