I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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