I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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