i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
