4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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