I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
