the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
