Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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