i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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