Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
