There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
