We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
