Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
