I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
