Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
