Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
