he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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