I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
