I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
dude i'm inner monologue high
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
