Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
