At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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