Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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