Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
