Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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