I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
