I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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