did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
