We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
