I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
