Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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