That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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