It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
