Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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