She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
