She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
