Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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