i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize