im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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