If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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