please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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