So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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