man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
