I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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