he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
