You just made me feel so damn special
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
