Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
