I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
