You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
