How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
