I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
