have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
