i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
