Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
