I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
