This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
