I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
