I wish I could punch you in the face.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
