Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
