I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
