You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
