Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
