We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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