It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The beers last night were like the tears from god
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
