I seem to have left my pride at pride
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
