am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
