I wish I only lived at night.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
