y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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