In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I didn't notice because vodka
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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