beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
