my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize