Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
