So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
