funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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