Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
