How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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