My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I will pee on everything he values.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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