So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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