I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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