There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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