Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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